Protect Your Time and Energy on a Nocturnal Schedule with Setting Boundaries

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setting healthy boundaries so again
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first identify what your boundaries are
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so this might include things we talked
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about in the other sections um how many
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hours you sleep what you will or will
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not attend what you prioritize these are
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things you identify yourself as your
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boundary what you think what you believe
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where you will or will not change and
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again not to say these can't be flexible
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but you get to decide when that
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occurs with your boundaries you want to
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communicate them clearly boundaries are
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about what you will do not what you want
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someone else to do um so a boundary is
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not you need to stop texting me in the
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middle of the night um because I'm at
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work a boundary is if you text me in the
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middle of the night I won't be able to
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respond until my shift is over in the
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morning you can communicate effectively
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by sharing this boundary and the
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consequence if they don't respond and
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again consequence doesn't have to be
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something negative or bad it's just a
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matter of fact like I can't respond
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until I'm done with
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work learn to tolerate upsetness um
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practice disappointing others by
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standing firm on your boundaries and
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allowing them to be upset and this might
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sounds a little bit harsh but it's
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really not in the sense of other
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people's emotions are their
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responsibility so if someone is upset
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from your boundary they can share that
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with you you can choose what you want to
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do with it but ultimately it is their
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job to make sure they're okay and so for
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you that means practicing letting them
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be upset practicing letting them figure
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out how to deal with that upsetness on
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their
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own sticking with this um you know this
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can be a really hard thing for a lot of
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people to do it can be uncomfortable to
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tolerate other people's negative
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emotions and so if this is hard for you
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you might consider why that is what
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makes this so hard for me what makes it
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uncomfortable what purpose has it
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historically served for me to not let
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other people be uncomfortable who does
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that usually benefit and that doesn't
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have to be a malicious thing but my lack
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of boundaries probably benefits someone
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else because they're getting something
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they want they don't have to feel the
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uncomfortableness but I do um so what do
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you need in order to hold firm here on
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your boundary
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along with that some ways that you might
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start to tolerate those uncomfortable
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feelings um in the moment or after the
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moment is practicing deep breathing um
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if we can you know be with someone who's
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upset and we can breathe through it
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without jumping in to fix it um that can
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be helpful to us we can take a break or
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get some air before we revisit the topic
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with them and again hold firm on our
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boundaries
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you could count to 10 before you respond
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and 10 seems like a big number but it's
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really not just again taking that breath
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counting in your head waiting before you
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respond so you get to choose how you
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respond versus react and then lastly if
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it's after the fact maybe you would
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journal or give yourself a way to
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process um being able to get those
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feelings out think through what is going
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on and being able to make a choice for
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yourself again rather than reacting to
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the situation