0:01
setting healthy boundaries so again
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first identify what your boundaries are
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so this might include things we talked
0:08
about in the other sections um how many
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hours you sleep what you will or will
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not attend what you prioritize these are
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things you identify yourself as your
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boundary what you think what you believe
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where you will or will not change and
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again not to say these can't be flexible
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but you get to decide when that
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occurs with your boundaries you want to
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communicate them clearly boundaries are
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about what you will do not what you want
0:36
someone else to do um so a boundary is
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not you need to stop texting me in the
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middle of the night um because I'm at
0:45
work a boundary is if you text me in the
0:49
middle of the night I won't be able to
0:50
respond until my shift is over in the
0:53
morning you can communicate effectively
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by sharing this boundary and the
0:57
consequence if they don't respond and
0:59
again consequence doesn't have to be
1:01
something negative or bad it's just a
1:03
matter of fact like I can't respond
1:06
until I'm done with
1:07
work learn to tolerate upsetness um
1:11
practice disappointing others by
1:13
standing firm on your boundaries and
1:15
allowing them to be upset and this might
1:18
sounds a little bit harsh but it's
1:20
really not in the sense of other
1:22
people's emotions are their
1:24
responsibility so if someone is upset
1:27
from your boundary they can share that
1:29
with you you can choose what you want to
1:30
do with it but ultimately it is their
1:33
job to make sure they're okay and so for
1:36
you that means practicing letting them
1:39
be upset practicing letting them figure
1:42
out how to deal with that upsetness on
1:45
their
1:48
own sticking with this um you know this
1:52
can be a really hard thing for a lot of
1:54
people to do it can be uncomfortable to
1:56
tolerate other people's negative
1:58
emotions and so if this is hard for you
2:01
you might consider why that is what
2:03
makes this so hard for me what makes it
2:06
uncomfortable what purpose has it
2:09
historically served for me to not let
2:12
other people be uncomfortable who does
2:14
that usually benefit and that doesn't
2:16
have to be a malicious thing but my lack
2:19
of boundaries probably benefits someone
2:22
else because they're getting something
2:23
they want they don't have to feel the
2:25
uncomfortableness but I do um so what do
2:28
you need in order to hold firm here on
2:31
your boundary
2:33
along with that some ways that you might
2:36
start to tolerate those uncomfortable
2:38
feelings um in the moment or after the
2:41
moment is practicing deep breathing um
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if we can you know be with someone who's
2:47
upset and we can breathe through it
2:49
without jumping in to fix it um that can
2:53
be helpful to us we can take a break or
2:56
get some air before we revisit the topic
2:58
with them and again hold firm on our
3:00
boundaries
3:02
you could count to 10 before you respond
3:04
and 10 seems like a big number but it's
3:07
really not just again taking that breath
3:09
counting in your head waiting before you
3:12
respond so you get to choose how you
3:14
respond versus react and then lastly if
3:17
it's after the fact maybe you would
3:19
journal or give yourself a way to
3:21
process um being able to get those
3:24
feelings out think through what is going
3:26
on and being able to make a choice for
3:28
yourself again rather than reacting to
3:31
the situation