How to Express Your Needs Effectively in Your Life
Tired of not feeling heard or misunderstood? Halley Nagy, LMFT, breaks down a practical framework for saying what you need—in work, home, or social situations—so others can actually support you.
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Sign UpTired of not feeling heard or misunderstood? Halley Nagy, LMFT, breaks down a practical framework for saying what you need—in work, home, or social situations—so others can actually support you.
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expressing needs effectively So before
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you can express what you need you first
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need to identify what you want or need
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Um so sharing your thoughts with your
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partner your friend whoever it is that
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you feel like you need to share these
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with about what it is that you want or
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need in general or from them
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If this feels too hard maybe you don't
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know what it is you want or need yet but
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you know you're frustrated you might try
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to journal about it or make a list and
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sort through your thoughts In this you
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can kind of look for themes What are
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things that continue to come up that I'm
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saying in my journaling in my writing in
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my list making that I notice that might
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help me know what it is I'm looking for
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Next assess whose responsibility it is
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to meet And so identifying what might be
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your responsibility and what might be
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someone else's I can make a list of all
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the things I want or need or I'm
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frustrated by but I also have to check
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for myself like is that actually
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somebody else's job or is that something
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I should be able to do for myself you
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can always ask someone to do it Um but
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keep in mind if they can't accommodate
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it it might not be their job
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to And lastly with this use eye
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statements Um an I statement is saying
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what you feel or what you think without
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asserting anger blame or fingerpointing
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at the other person Most people are not
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very receptive when you say "You always
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do this You never do that." In a certain
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kind of tone right they're much more
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likely to be able to hear you if you are
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saying something like "I notice that I
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get really upset when you don't follow
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through on what you said you would do I
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think this happens for me because of X Y
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and Z." Um so again be neutral here
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Share what it is that you want or need
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or how you feel And you can put in what
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it's like when the other person can't do
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it or provide it But again the focus is
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on you You're using an I statement