This is part two of a six-part series on relationships and family life for night shift workers. In this session, licensed marriage and family therapist Halley Nagy explores how to build strong family connections despite the challenges of night shift work.
Key topics include:
- Partner relationships – How to improve communication and align priorities.
- Parenting on night shift – Strategies for co-parenting or single parenting with a night shift schedule.
- Extended family dynamics – Communicating boundaries and expectations with relatives.
- Quality time strategies – How to make the most of limited time with loved ones.
The session provides practical advice for navigating relationship challenges and fostering deeper connections while working an unconventional schedule.
0:01 - 0:11
hello and welcome to part two of your guide to relationships and family life as a night shift worker this part focuses on building strong family connections
0:11 - 0:42
if you watched the first part then you'll know that my name is Haley I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in this um if you didn't watch part one hi my name is Haley I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist I have experienced working with couples families and individuals a 4 to 65 I specialize in family systems and relational issues and I focus on understanding family systems relationships relational Dynamics and how to make changes within those systems so a lot of that is relevant in this section and we will start to look at how to make maintain and manage all of our relationships
0:42 - 1:05
the agenda for this part two is looking at partner relationships parenting on night shift extended family Dynamics and quality time strategies
1:05 - 1:25
partner relationships Partners can be the most impacted by this schedule especially if they work on an opposite shift or they already feel like your time together is limited there are two main ways you can strengthen these relationships and that's through communication and priorities
1:25 - 1:41
communication practice clearly communicating about work schedules know EXA exactly when the other person is working um when they won't be able to answer a call when they won't be able to make plans having those in place so that is clear and known
1:41 - 2:17
managing expectations again if you know that my work schedule is this I probably can't attend something at the same time or make it to something before or right after being able to communicate your wants and needs Um this can be an uncomfortable thing um and a lot of the times we assume that our partners should just know what we want um but they don't they usually don't and that is frustrating but that's where clear communication comes in hand if I can tell you exactly what I want and need from you you can tell me whether you could accommodate that or not
2:17 - 2:34
also being able to communicate about how you're feeling if this is an adjustment for the both of you it might be really difficult the other person might already be feeling the same thing that you are and it might help to talk about it together or at least let them be aware of what's going on for you
2:34 - 3:06
going with that priorities discussing what a priority is to each of you so again sometimes we assume our partner knows what we want and need and they should just get it same thing here we assume the other person is prioritizing the same exact things we are and that might not be true something that is really important to me might be lower on your list and so how do we talk about those priorities and make sure that both of them can be met and achieved
3:06 - 3:49
parenting on night shift um so I split this up into two different pieces of if you have a partner to do this with and if you do not if you have a partner make sure you divide and agree on the responsibilities this goes into place because if one person feels like they are doing a lot more than the other that could build resentment later on so make sure you look at things and be reasonable if I realistically can't wake up and do a morning routine or breakfast that's probably not going to work for me and might also build resentment later on so thinking about what's realistic and what can be divided that gets to still feel fair for the both of you
3:49 - 4:21
if you don't have a partner you want to make sure you're setting up other healthy relationships and supports for your child to have in your absence and so if I can't always pick my child up from school or do the drop off at daycare I want to make sure that they get to do those things with someone that they know and trust and also have a good connection with um that might not be an option for everyone but trying to build that in so they do have someone they're comfortable with when you're not there
4:21 - 4:50
and the last one goes for with or without a partner you want to prioritize at least 15 minutes of quality time with your child every day we think about these things as quality over quantity it's okay if you're there not there every single hour of the day that's life kids have school or daycare you have work but what they do need is consistent quality time and so children can feel connected to us even when we're just spending 15 minutes of intentional time when we're present with them
4:50 - 5:18
and this can include both fun tasks like playing or building Legos and typical parenting tasks like making dinner or helping with homework both are important because if you're just doing the one they're just associating you with the one so it's important to make time for both
5:18 - 6:12
similarly to what we were talking about with our partners we might also apply to our extended family um communication and priorities also come into play here your family might be upset with your inability to attend as many things or at you not being able to do as much for them especially when you're on a different schedule so part of what would be helpful is having clear communication again sharing with them what your schedule looks like and having clear boundaries about what you can or cannot attend or do for them any longer
6:12 - 7:04
lastly quality time strategies these can be for your partners these can be for your children these can be for your friends um make plans and stick to them so carving out one-on-one time that you both agree on how often and so maybe my partner feels closest to me or we stay connected if we have coffee dates once a week or maybe we do bi-weekly check-ins to see how we're feeling um making those plans and making sure not to break them
7:04 - 8:00
along with that build routines create a routine or engage in a routine activity or event that you both enjoy with a child this could look like making sure you're there at bedtime um maybe our bedtime routine is we're going to read a story and we're going to take a shower and we're going to do all of this before I have to get ready for work
8:00 - 9:32
reminders for when you're scheduling quality time is to be present and intentional with your time it's not quality time if we're just sitting here together and you're on your phone or distracted so be present plan it intentionally especially again for a time when you're not stressed or overwhelmed
9:32 - 9:41
thanks for coming to part two in part three we're going to be talking more about communication and boundaries with more concrete examples and tools see you then
