What Makes Relationships Successful Long-Term on a Night Shift Schedule
Long-term success in relationships takes more than just love—it takes communication, flexibility, and small consistent efforts. Halley Nagy, LMFT, explains what couples can do to stay emotionally connected and supportive when working opposite or irregular hours.
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this slide is in a few different parts
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or this
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section Long-term relationship success
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So first some of these things are not
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entirely new but we'll look at them
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through a different lens or perhaps some
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of the same You want to stay connected
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So finding ways to stay connected
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throughout the day Um this could be
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texting each other And you might be on
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different schedules but can I text you
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something that you'll get to see when
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you wake up um sending voice memos
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Similarly if you like that more personal
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connection maybe I can send you
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something while I'm on my way to work
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and you can plan to listen to it in the
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morning Sending memes Snapchats you know
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things that are modes of connection
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nowadays Um maybe you look at the Tik
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Toks I sent you when you're missing me
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throughout the day There are also apps
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that are for connection Um Marco Polo is
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an app where you can send video messages
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to each other and watch them at your
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leisure Um it gets to feel kind of like
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FaceTime but it's doesn't have to be in
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the moment It can be whenever you have
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time to watch it and respond Um there
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are apps like Finch that prioritize both
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emotional health and staying connected
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where you can
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prioritize goals and things for yourself
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but you can also have friends on the app
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that you can stay connected with and
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send messages to through that Um you
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could play virtual games together mobile
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games together Maybe when it's my turn I
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can go and send you a message and vice
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versa So there are a lot of mediums to
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staying connected when you are in a
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long-term relationship and want to be
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able to talk to each other or connect
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with each other even when you're not
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always
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together Along with this make plans Make
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plans with each other when your free
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time overlaps and stick to those plans
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Um so again you might plan a day date or
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a date night on your night off You might
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schedule dinner before you go into work
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but having things on the calendar and
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having things to look forward to
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together can help foster that connection
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and keep that connection Maybe you
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schedule things like going to the movies
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um or you do a weekly check-in with each
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other You do coffee in the morning
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before your partner goes to work and
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maybe yours is decaf you know or maybe
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you drink tea to help you sleep before
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you go to bed Um there are lots of ways
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to stay connected and make plans and
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we're going to keep talking about this
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on the next slide of how you might also
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build
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routines So sticking on that same train
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of thought um whether it's for fun
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activities or daily tasks building
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routines together can be really
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important in staying connected Um so
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maybe we cook dinner together every
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night Maybe we have again weekly
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emotional check-ins on Sundays Um and we
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kind of meal prep or we see how the
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other is doing what we might need to
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adjust or accommodate if there's
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anything that's been on our mind We have
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this set day and time where we can check
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in with each other especially if the
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week can be really busy And it doesn't
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have to be on Sundays It can be any day
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It can be on your day off It can be
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whenever works for the both of you
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doing an activity together every week
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Again building into these routines So
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maybe on um say you're off on Tuesday
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nights um maybe you go to trivia every
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Tuesday night or maybe you exercise
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together or play a sport together or
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whatever Take a cooking class You know
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having something to look forward to and
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something where you're consistently
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staying connected
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Along with this and it's been in every
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uh part of this right is
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communication Figuring out how you each
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communicate best and stick to it or add
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to it right we can again do weekly
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check-ins We can text each other things
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as they come up and the other person can
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respond at their leisure Um if it's
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something more important again you might
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want to schedule time to do that If it's
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just general you might chat during
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dinner Um but finding ways that work for
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you and practice getting comfortable
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sharing how you feel Or you might have
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to get comfortable with the consequences
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which could be resentment or frustration
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with yourself with the other person
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Finding a way that feels comfortable for
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you And if it's uncomfortable what's the
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smallest way you can start if I don't
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think I could say this to you in person
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maybe I can write it down and give it to
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you Um if that still feels too hard
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maybe I find another way But practicing
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that communication and building up to a
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system and working out a system that
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works for
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you The last piece of this section um is
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again maybe not entirely new but
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managing
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expectations So talk through those
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expectations whether they're ones you
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have for yourself whether they're ones
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you have for your partner um you know if
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they're expectations about the routine
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or how you spend time together the other
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person cannot read your mind and it is
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not their job to guess It is your job to
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let them know what the expectations are
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just as it's their job to let you know
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what their expectations are Um once you
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can talk about those together you can
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each set boundaries around it this is
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what I will or will not do This is what
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I am or am not able to accommodate Right
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but having that base of what each of you
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expects is really going to help in this
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process when you don't always have time
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to communicate it on the spot or in the
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day-to-day And then lastly coming to an
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agreement Find common ground and agree
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on priorities Agree on how tasks or
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chores will be split Um we talked about
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some of this in one of the other parts
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but a refresher or if you didn't see
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those parts um being able to discuss
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what the expectations are around these
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things and what you will do to make them
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work If I reasonably can't do school
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drop off in the mornings that just
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doesn't work with my schedule I can do
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school pickup though you know figuring
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out what kind of balance and coming to
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an agreement So it feels like a balance
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If my partner is doing 60 and I'm doing
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40 but they're okay with that great If
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we feel like we need to split it up 5050
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um how are we going to make that work
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and what is a reasonable ask for the
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each of us to do so again managing
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expectations communicating all of those
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things will eliminate the guesswork um
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blame for the other person and what
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could build up to resentment over time
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If I feel like I'm doing a lot more than
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you I could learn to resent you or I
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could eventually resent you Um so being
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able to talk about it and agree on
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things beforehand could eliminate some
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of that later on