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Sign UpConflict can feel harder to manage when you’re tired, rushed, or unavailable. Halley Nagy, LMFT, explains how to keep conversations productive, even when you’re off-hours or emotionally drained.
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conflict resolution allow each person to
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share how they are feeling without
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jumping in going on the defense or
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proving them right or wrong it can be so
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easy to hear someone share their
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feelings with us and then to immediately
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want to defend ourselves well I didn't
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say it like that or actually you did
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this first you know all of that maybe
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gets to feel good for us for a moment
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but it doesn't help solve the problem
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and it gets someone else activated too
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remember that if someone can be
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neutral and they're So if one person's
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escalated and one person is neutral and
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can remain that way the other person has
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a chance to come down if someone's
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sharing how they feel they might already
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be a little activated and if you go on
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the defense and you're trying to prove
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something then you're both activated and
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nobody is hearing the other and so when
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we're trying to resolve something we
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really want to try our best to just hear
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what they are saying and listen without
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proving ourselves without interjecting
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and then you can respond to the feeling
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that they're sharing and try to put
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yourself in their shoes can I empathize
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with them um oh they're frustrated
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because I said I would take out the
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trash and I didn't get to it i could
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have all my reasons right i was running
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late i whatever you know um but to solve
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the problem we want to be able to
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understand like oh yeah that is kind of
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frustrating i get why you would be upset
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by that and maybe you can share your
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point of view later on
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this kind of comes handinhand with share
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how you feel but again without anger or
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blame or fingerpointing you want to
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remember to use those I statements you
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asked me to take out the trash and I
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really wanted to be able to do that for
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work but I ran out of time i noticed
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that I don't give myself enough time to
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get ready before work you know then we
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have an actual problem that we can work
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with it's not actually about the trash
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it's about the structure of our day and
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what we made time for and how the other
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person felt not heard not heard as
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well and then you can decide how you'd
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like to compromise and or move forward
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together um this doesn't have to be a
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compromise but if we're trying to
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resolve something what's going to work
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for me and what's going to work for you
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and do they go hand inand at all is
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there a way to resolve this and what
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does that process look like for the both
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of us
