This is part three of a six-part series on relationships and family life for night shift workers. In this session, licensed marriage and family therapist Halley Nagy explores communication and boundaries, helping night shift workers effectively express their needs and navigate relationship challenges.
Key topics covered include:
- Expressing needs effectively – How to identify and communicate personal wants and needs.
- Setting healthy boundaries – Understanding personal limits and learning to uphold them.
- Managing expectations – Assessing what’s realistic and finding ways to adjust.
- Conflict resolution – Techniques for resolving disagreements while maintaining mutual respect.
This session provides practical tools and strategies to help night shift workers create healthy communication patterns and strengthen their relationships.
0:01 - 0:10
hello and welcome back to your guide to relationships and family life as a night shift worker welcome to part three communication and boundaries
0:10 - 0:31
if you remember my name is Haley ngi I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist I experience working with couples families and individuals ages 4 to 65 I specialize in family systems and relational issues with a focus on understanding these systems relationships relational Dynamics and how to make changes within those systems
0:31 - 0:44
our agenda for part three is to look at expressing needs effectively setting healthy boundaries managing expectations and looking at conflict resolution
0:44 - 1:29
expressing needs effectively so before you can express what you need you first need to identify what you want or need um so sharing your thoughts with your partner your friend whoever it is that you feel like you need to share these with about what it is that you want or need in general or from them if this feels too hard maybe you don't know what it is you want or need yet but you know you're frustrated you might try to journal about it or make a list and sort through your thoughts in this you can kind of look for themes what are things that continue to come up that I'm saying in my journaling in my writing in my list making that I notice that might help me know what it is I'm looking looking for
1:29 - 2:01
next assess whose responsibility it is to meet and so identifying what might be your responsibility and what might be someone else's I can make a list of all the things I want or need or I'm frustrated by but I also have to check for myself like is that actually somebody else's job or is that something I should be able to do for myself you can always ask someone to do it um but keep in mind if they can't accommodate it it might not be their job to
2:01 - 2:55
and lastly with this use eye statements um an eye statement is saying what you feel or what you think without asserting anger blame or finger pointing at the other person most people are not very receptive when you say you always do this you never do that in a certain kind of tone right they're much more likely to be able to hear you if you are saying something like I notice that I get really upset when you don't follow through on what you said you would do I think this happens for me because of x y and z um so again be neutral here share what it is that you want or need or how you feel and you can put in what it's like when the other person can't do it or provide it but again the focus is on you you're using an eye statement
2:55 - 3:59
setting healthy boundaries so again first identify what your boundaries are so this might include things we talked about in the other sections um how many hours you sleep what you will or will not attend what you prioritize these are things you identify yourself as your boundary what you think what you believe where you will or will not change and again not to say these can't be flexible but you get to decide when that occurs with your boundaries you want to communicate them clearly boundaries are about what you will do not what you want someone else to do um so a boundary is not you need to stop texting me in the middle of the night um because I'm at work a boundary is if you text me in the middle of the night I won't be able to respond until my shift is over in the morning
3:59 - 4:53
you can communicate effectively by sharing this boundary and the consequence if they don't respond and again consequence doesn't have to be something negative or bad it's just a matter of fact like I can't respond until I'm done with work learn to tolerate upsetness um practice disappointing others by standing firm on your boundaries and allowing them to be upset and this might sound a little bit harsh but it's really not in the sense of other people's emotions are their responsibility so if someone is upset from your boundary they can share that with with you you can choose what you want to do with it but ultimately it is their job to make sure they're okay and so for you that means practicing letting them be upset practicing letting them figure out how to deal with that upsetness on their own
4:53 - 6:01
sticking with this um you know this can be a really hard thing for a lot of people to do it can be uncomfortable to tolerate other people's negative emotions and so if this is hard for you you might consider why that is what makes this so hard for me what makes it uncomfortable what purpose has it historically served for me to not let other people be uncomfortable who does that usually benefit and that doesn't have to be a malicious thing but my lack of boundaries probably benefits someone else because they're getting something they want they don't have to feel the uncomfortableness but I do um so what do you need in order to hold firm here on your boundary
6:01 - 7:02
managing expectations so first I again identifying what it is you want or you need or you're hoping to achieve and this could be for self this could be with a partner with a friend with a family member um identifying what you both are hoping to achieve and then assessing what's realistic and what might be a little bit difficult to occur
7:02 - 8:00
conflict resolution allow each person to share how they are feeling without jumping in going on the defense or proving them right or wrong it can be so easy to hear someone share their feelings with us and then to immediately want to defend ourselves well I didn't say it like that or actually you did this first you know all of that maybe gets to feel good for us for a moment but it doesn't help solve the problem
8:00 - 10:20
remember that if someone can be neutral and there so if one person's escalated and one person is neutral and can remain that way the other person has a chance to come down if someone's sharing how they feel they might already be a little activated and if you go on the defense and you're trying to prove something then you're both activated and nobody is hearing the other and so when we're trying to resolve something we really want to try our best to just hear what they are saying and listen without proving ourselves without interjecting and then you can respond to the feeling that they're sharing and try to put yourself in their shoes
10:20 - 10:28
up next we will be looking at Social Life navigation thanks for coming to part three and I will see you in part four
